


A Potentially Literal Clusterfuck

by pontiffpainticus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Minor Violence, Multi, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 02:53:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3593646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pontiffpainticus/pseuds/pontiffpainticus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four girls struggle to deal with each other, and their respective baggage.  Three years is a long time to spend in close quarters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Potentially Literal Clusterfuck

**Author's Note:**

  * For [boco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/boco/gifts).



For Rose Lalonde, interactions with Terezi Pyrope were rare, and seldom ever predictable. It was like her experiences owning a cat, really. A particularly sharp cat, with the lithe, graceful body of a ballet dancer and the fangs of a velociraptor. Some moments she was almost unnaturally affectionate, ignoring personal space to rub up against her side, to make a grand show of rubbing her nose against Rose’s cheek or taking in her scent with her face buried in her robes. Attempts to reciprocate or disengage would be met with claws and fangs. Other times, she would observe from the distance, perched somewhere she probably shouldn’t be, following yet never quite getting close.

This, however, this was something she didn’t completely prepare herself for. It would be the equivalent of Jaspers rolling onto his back, exposing his belly with his claws retracted and paws wide apart.

“Lalonde,” she said, a curt last-name basis that seemed appropriate for their relationship, her tone oddly demure, lacking the usual hard, cruel edge it carried. “I am going to require your help.”

Rose was stunned by the sheer earnestness of the request for only a fraction of a moment. “You would sound more sincere,” she replied, “if you threw yourself to the ground, prostrate before me.”

AG: Soooooooo.  
AG: Hey?  
AG: Oh my god, and here I was thinking that you were totally over the whole cold shoulder treatment.  
AG: Wow Kanaya!!!!!!!!  
AG: That's pretty imm8ture!  
AG: That’s totally a joke, 8y the way. I know you have a hard time dealing with those. Ha, ha, ha!  
AG: 8ut seriously, what am I supposed to do now?  
AG: Just talk to myself for the next three stupid idiotic human years?  
AG: Sounds gr8 to me!  
AG: Spill my guts to an empty chat client?  
AG: I’m already 8ecoming 8est 8uds with this 8linking cursor thing.  
AG: Which is also pretty gr8 8ecause APPARENTLY we 8n’t on speaking terms! AGAIN!  
AG: I thought that we were cool!  
AG: I can't even think of some dum8 thing that I'm supposed to do to even try to atone.  
AG: 8ecause you never actually told me what I did in the first place!!!!!!!!  
AG: Should I just sn8p my neck now and get it over with? May8e 8y the time I resurrect you'll have started ANSWERING YOUR TROLLIAN AG8IN!!!!!!!!  
GA: Your Patience With My Numerous Failings Is Inspiring  
GA: I Realize That It Cannot Be Easy  
GA: My Personal Hygiene Habits Occur At The Same Hour Of Every Day  
GA: Yet My Adherence To This Rigid Schedule Remains Somehow An Effort To Spite You  
AG: HA! I WISH that you’d honestly admit to that!  
AG: Then this would at least 8e interesting!  
AG: Don't even try to talk like days and nights are things that exist out here.  
AG: Unless I’m just tooooooootally fuck8ng clueless to the enigma that is Kanaya Maryam.  
AG: I’m even calling you 8y your name! Haven’t even heard a thank you for that either, 8y the 8y.  
GA: Is This Really A Discussion That Must Be Happening  
GA: Because This Is An Increasingly Tiresome Exchange  
GA: And I Have No Interest In Repeating It Every Time I Do Not Respond To Your Calls  
GA: As Might An Obedient Lapbeast  
GA: Hungry For Attention And Admiration  
GA: That Was A Very Subtle Jab  
GA: I Hope You Noticed It  
GA: I Would Hate To Miss The Opportunity For More Misaimed Aggression  
GA: Perhaps You Can Project On Me  
GA: Do You Remember When You Would Insinuate That I Am Calling You An Idiot  
GA: A Rather Frequent Occurrence  
GA: Reminiscing Now As Old Friends Do  
GA: Oh  
GA: I Am Sorry  
GA: I Meant Insinu8  
AG: You're not going to ditch me again now that it is, right?  
AG: I mean woooooooow. I’ll take all of the 8ullshit Maryam 8lather, 8ecause at least you have to talk to me in order to do it.  
AG: Unless something ELSE pops up that’s way more important than I am.  
AG: Oh, w8, may8e you just need to 8rush your fangs for like another HOUR!  
GA: My Respect Of Proper Fang Hygiene Took At Most Six Minutes  
GA: I Lingered Another Two Moments Following  
GA: After Seeing Your Messages  
GA: And The Urgent Tone Thereof  
GA: I Found It Personally Satisfying  
AG: Kanaya.  
AG: That is.  
AG: Undenia8ly.  
AG: Fucking.  
AG: Spite!!!!!!!!  
GA: Oh  
GA: Is It

* * *

Terezi’s teeth were sharp. The light cast on her face from the flickery yellow lighting gave a rather sinister look to her expression, the ruby-red of her glasses inviting no eye contact. It felt strange, addressing Terezi while looking her in the eyes. Not when all of her sensory prowess was elsewhere, not when her eyes always trailed down to her lips and her teeth.

Terezi had yet to define what she meant by “help.” Rose was uncertain it wasn’t simply a ploy of some kind-- on the one hand, if there were any tactical advantage to be gained in approaching her like that, Terezi had not taken advantage of it at all. She simply had no other way of characterizing her motives. It did help her cast some suspicion on her when she caught a glimpse of the flash of steel in her mind’s eye, pivoting to the right and getting her feet tangled in a fallen scarf, collapsing onto her rear end as Terezi stood over her, blades drawn.

Rose’s room was not as messy as it might have been. Had she existed in a vacuum, she would be more than pleased to leave her projects and belongings wherever they may lie, though frequent visits from Kanaya often inspired her to tidy up beforehand. Dave said her “vampire girlfriend” was setting her on the “all kinds of straight and narrow.” Rose, for her part, felt ashamed being cleaned up after, though she could see the appeal now that she’d both ruined a perfectly good scarf with her stumbling (so many rows she’d have to repeat) and against the point of the blade a few inches from her nose.

“You didn’t hear me come in,” Terezi said, her voice teasing and triumphant.

“What can I say, Terezi?” Rose answered. “I was not expecting to be assaulted in my own room.” She barely had time to move. Her hand shot to the side, grabbing a hold of one of her half-filled books. Terezi’s canesword stabbed through the paper, but went no further than the back cover. Rose couldn’t help but let her breath out in a sigh. It was empty, but it could very well have not been, and that was a senseless waste regardless.

“You can say something that smells less rancid. That lie has been left out in the exposure of your incessantly lemon-scented sunlight for far too long,” she replied, and with a flourishing motion, she shook her blade, once, twice, a full three times before the book came loose, landing open on the floor with a broken spine and a pierced margin. She dropped her stance, blade disappearing into her strife deck.

“Am I on trial for my reflexes? The human survival instinct, taken to court for the crime of preventing my impalement?”

“Ah, yes, those reflexes!” She grinned at her again, turning abruptly. The tone was leering, mocking. Rose hated whenever she had a trump card like that. A ball of yarn struck her right in the head, nearly throwing her off balance and onto the ground again. Partially unraveling as it rolled over the floor , Rose’s expression was rather unamused as she glanced down at it. “Your reflexes, Rose, are about as sharp as your human fangs. Good for dealing with enemies that are completely motionless and helpless. You know, like carrots. Celery. Boring things that can’t possibly fight back.”

“A point illuminated flawlessly by further disorganizing my things,” Rose grumbled, still pulling herself up to her feet. “Do you want to discuss philosophy over the destruction of my belongings? Because that does not constitute help by any known definition.”

“Your trepidation is noted! And also really lame, when you’re this bad at fighting back. You’re supposed to be competent, right? I’m not sure if there’s going to be a point to this if you can’t even figure out what I’m after.”

“Not only have you made no strides in clearing that point up,” she placed her hands on her hips, brow creasing, “you also haven’t answered whether I’m on trial. Crimes no longer seem to cover anything so petty as attempted murder anymore, do they?”

“Not a lie,” Terezi mused, “but pretty far flung from the truth regardless. You knew. You did the precise thing required to not die, several seconds before anyone could have expected you to. And it drained away the moment your life no longer seemed to depend on it.”

“You are saying that I have some precognitive ability,” Rose said, her expression less than impressed with the assertion.

“Which you do! Your reflexes are poor, but your mind is sharp.” Rose stepped back in apprehension as she saw Terezi pluck her knitting needles from her latest project, the kind of needles that were thankfully dull and non-magical to limit the potential damage to their environment. Terezi shoved the needles into Rose’s hand.

“You want me to help you,” Rose said, firmly.

“Fucking duh,” Terezi snorted. “I’ll be down by the ectobiology machine. Don’t get lost, or trip over your own skirt. It’s bad enough your alien priorities are so dopey already.”

* * *

GA: I Am Not  
GA: Making An Attempt To Justify My Behavior  
GA: Things Have Gotten  
GA: Complicated  
AG: Oh, I know how complic8ted things have 8een getting 8etween you and your alien squeeze toy.  
AG: It must 8e soooooooo complic8ted learning the ins and outs of her weird 8ullshit alien physiology!  
AG: I guess you must've wanted a real change of pace.  
GA: This  
GA: I Know What You Are Doing  
GA: This Is The Exact Thing That I Was Attempting To Avoid  
GA: You Know That  
GA: Why Are You Attempting To Get A Rise Out Of Me  
AG: I'M GETTING A RISE O8T OF YOU????????  
AG: Holy shit!  
AG: Someone alert the presses 8ecause I thought that had 8ecome impossi8le!  
AG: I had THOUGHT that you'd just moved on to a 8oring, prissy, hornless, overly-soft 8all of pathetic do-nothing self h8tred 8ecause you were too afraid of how DAAAAAAAANGEROUS of a monster I always am!!!!!!!!  
AG: So you went and moved on to the most PATHETIC repl8cement that you could find in all of paradox space.  
AG: This one won't turn into a 8urden! 8ecause she's too afraid of doing pretty much ANYTHING worthwhile AT ALL! R8GHT????????  
\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] gave up trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] \--

There was no satisfaction when she managed to get the last line in. It was cold, and angry, and sinking, a feeling of tightness in her rib cage. Like she was going to burst, or implode, or both at once, that left her shaking as she stared at her husktop screen. No one was around to see it. There had been moments of camaraderie in their crew, but they were few and far between. Vriska believed herself to be a pariah before, but this...

She hadn’t planned on letting Terezi take the blame for trying to murder her. She’d hit her with it once or twice, if they fought (or rather when they fought, as it was nearly inevitable) but she’d never try to get revenge on her. Water under the 8ridge, she’d say. Maybe sucker-punch her and get back into the swing of things. Maybe finally, finally, FINALLY get her to admit that they are much better off without keeping their distance.

She was almost certain that’s how it would’ve gone. Over the course of the first three weeks of their sweep-and-a-half journey, she never saw Terezi even once. She’d catch glimpses of her after that, but they never spoke. She had blocked her on trollian. It was pretty fucking infuriating, and she’d have considered it some nasty, snarling, go-for-the-throat insult, but Terezi wouldn’t do her the honor of even gloating of her so-called established superiority.

It wouldn’t have stung quite so bad if it weren’t for Lalonde and Kanaya. It didn’t take a mind-reader to know what her intentions were-- but it did help her know for certain when she wound up reading their old chat logs on Trollian together.

After that, it just made her feel sick.

She was pulled from her reverie when she heard a knock at her door. Slow, methodical, but firm. There was only one troll that it could be. She swung the door open wide, glaring at Kanaya with all eight eyes.

“There is a matter,” Kanaya said, calmly, “of which I believe I owe you some explanation.”

“Now you wanna talk? Too late. Nice knowing you.” She moved to slam the door. It was a calculated movement, one she was really hoping that she’d interrupt, and let out a breath in sheer relief when Kanaya’s hand held the door fast.

“I am sorry.”

“So what?”

“You were correct--”

“I know. I usually am. Too bad you never listen, now bye.”

“About some things!” Her pace quickened in speaking, her tone a touch less friendly than it was.

Vriska didn’t try to shut the door on her again.

“Rose is not a means to replace you. I wish to talk. But I would also like to make it abundantly clear that it has nothing to do with you.”

“So I mean a whoooooooole lot less to you than I originally thought. Great pep talk. Already feeling better.”

“Clinging to a flimsy pretense was perhaps what brought us this deep into the hopbeast’s warren of pointless melodrama in the first place. And I believe that is the point you were attempting to convey with your messages.”

“Yeah,” she huffed. “You really sleuthed it out, Junior Legislacerator. Whatever. You’re fine. It’s fine. Just get out of here.”

“We,” she said. “We can speak again. On neutral grounds, to better facilitate communication.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Vriska shot back. “Are you seriously only now working up the guts to ask me out?”

“In so many words,” Kanaya ran a hand through the back of her hair, brushing against her neck. “Yes. I am. We will avoid making a public spectacle of ourselves at the ectobiology machine. If you so wish to indulge me. About an hour from now. Such that I have enough time to brush my fangs again.”

This time, the door really did slam shut.

* * *

Rose was nearly out of breath. The game provided quite an impressive array of physical abilities, early on, amazing skills that seemed, at the time, paramount to their success in it. Since ascending, those skills seemed to fall by the wayside, shriveling in their importance at the discovery of her vision, and the reality of magic-- with a bevy of dubious tutors, as well-- had Rose spending less time honing her body than her mind. This made Terezi’s approach to training very difficult for her-- complex concepts and theories needed to be explained while desperately avoiding her blade, a bit red in the face. Terezi hardly seemed to slow or tire at all.

She was slower than Terezi, on the defensive perpetually when they fought. And yet, somehow, she found the precise right opening. Her weight pressed against Terezi as she pinned her to the ground, her dull knitting needle pressing to her neck.

“Again,” Terezi hissed, baring her teeth in a snarl.

“You are beginning to sound like a sore loser, rather than a humble disciple in need of training.”

“Are those the only options I’ve got to pick from? Because I could get a lot of mileage out of finding a third.” She snapped her fangs at Rose’s neck, though she couldn’t get close enough to graze the skin or cause any harm. Rose decided it would be best to wait until she tired herself out before getting off of her.

“Your form is terrible. Even worse than when you started the game, somehow. But you get it. You always get it. So long as I don’t pin you in one move…”

“I can’t teach you to be a light player. It’s dubious enough whether I can teach you to be a better seer,” Rose replied. There was another snap towards her neck, and a faint, bestial growl. Terezi fell limp under her, and Rose finally began to ease her weight off of her, offering a hand. She reached, somewhat hesitantly, to grasp at it.

“Your sympathetic tone is pretty fucking condescending, Lalonde.” Pulling herself to her feet with Rose’s hand, Terezi dusted herself off. “But that’s beside the point anyway.”

“Then what is the point? Is it at all your intention to tell me?”

“Nope! We’re doing it again. Next time, I’m not going to bother listening to your talk. Or warning you at all.”

Rose sighed, but she no less complied, taking up a stance and facing her enemy. “There’s only so long I intend to indulge you for, Pyrope. This is going to be the last one we do.”

“Was that a prediction? Or are you just getting tired?”

“It was a promise, I assure you.” She did not hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Nor did she foresee anything but the oncoming blade she was desperate to avoid, jumping backward to avoid it-- only to feel a sharp pain in the back of her head, as someone grabbed a handful of her hair. She was thrown to the ground, roughly, and for a few seconds, her vision faded as her head struck the hard edge of one of the long-out-of-service ectobiology machines.

* * *

Kanaya hated ambiguities like this one. She supposed that she developed an allergy to them after a few weeks of checking up on Vriska-- never quite confirming that their relationship fell into any quadrant at all, much less which quadrant she’d happen to want her in. There was a long, agonizing period, when Vriska was at her wildest in FLARP, when she would have no choice but to feel overwhelmed by the wild vacillations, constantly insinuating that she was attempting to prove her superiority in proposing a basic structure of morality, or giving advice, only for Vriska to veer in the opposite direction just to prove a point that neither of them could grasp. It was exhausting, trying to figure out what signals to give and which she could receive, and only after she lost her eye and her arm and most of her old friendships did their relationship become as distressingly pale as it was, despite what she had wanted out of her relationship with Vriska.

In a sense, everything seemed to be going the right way with Rose. Or, at least, the way that she had come to expect it. The consequences of misreading signals and replying incorrectly was seldom quite so disastrous as it was with Vriska in their first encounters. Rose approached relationships in a way that was comfortably Alternian: a struggle for dominance in a way that never quite reached the levels of animosity required for a black relationship, that seemed more endeared than disgusted by seeing personal failures. She had messy habits, not unlike Vriska, though the last thing she wanted to do was spend too much time dissecting the similarities and differences between her last and only crushes. She was dangerous and wild and wilful, but never to the point that she felt she couldn’t approach her.

Which left her with little excuse as to why she hadn’t so much as tried on anything but the most strictly platonic terms. It was something of a joke to everyone else to overstate their relationship so dramatically.

She had put her foot in her mouth near constantly in talking to Rose, and often it felt as though every other word she spoke would betray her. And once again, she found herself in a precarious spot between quadrants, one that could tip in any direction. She often went to great lengths, simply for the purposes of appeasing. She noted that Dave, Karkat, and their small carapacian guest had become increasingly jittery about the situation brewing with the four girls. As little as she cared for her title and aspect, she was always going to be the Sylph of Space. Perhaps, by some stretch of the truth, that would make her a healer of this rift that had grown.

Much like her cosmic duties as frog breeder, this was a spectacular opportunity for her to create a monstrosity of a nigh-unparalleled problem the likes of which Paradox Space had no precedent for handling whatsoever. She heaved a sigh. It was shaping up to be a long, painful journey for everyone involved.

She had taken her time in descending. It was a long way down, and perhaps she would not be as punctual as was generally expected of her. It gave her some time to compile her thoughts. Come up with some sort of strategy. She could already hear a voice ahead. Or... more than one, perhaps? Her pace quickened as a sudden worry gripped at her chest.

She bounded down the last few stairs, breaking into a full run. Rose was on the ground, head twisted at an unnatural angle. It was a particularly unlucky fall, it seemed, the one-in-a-million fluke that winds up with a broken neck almost instantly. Terezi and Vriska were both there, barely a few feet from her body. One of Terezi’s blades had been knocked clear of her hand, the other pointed at Vriska menacingly. Vriska was unarmed, legs apart as her eyes darted from one side of the room to the other.

“--She wasn’t! Doing anything! You idiot!” Terezi snarled, each exclamation barely a complete thought in itself.

“It looked like you were--” Vriska shouted, her voice nearly shrill at the accusations.

“I was fine!”

“I was trying to fucking help--!”

Still, only one of them had a blade drawn. Vriska seemed almost triumphant as Kanaya weaved between the two of them, fist colliding with Terezi’s nose and sending her tumbling back onto the ground. It did not last long before Kanaya turned on her, fangs bared.

“Why.”

“She was fucking attacking her! In the creepiest part of the meteor. The best spot for some unscrupulous alien murder happening! The fuck was I supposed to do?!”

Kanaya grabbed her by the collar with one hand as she made a move to step backwards. “So you killed her.”

“I took some of her luck and I threw her back. Maybe she just had a shit break! In the more literal sense.” She wriggled in her grip. “Honestly, why do you care? Why do either of you fucking care about her so much?!”

Terezi growled, leaning on her cane as she pulled herself back up to her feet. Her nose was bruised, and she couldn’t smell, her glasses knocked off of her face, rattling off somewhere in the darkness. “I brought her down here to help figure some things out. It just takes a troll who’s completely fucking psycho to mistake the normal sparring for attempted murder.”

“Oh, fuck you! Get the fuck off of me, you’re not my moirail-! You never really WERE, either, so you can’t start acting like this is all your responsibility anymore! Just--”

Kanaya hissed. “This is about neither of you.” Her eyes trailed back to the body, Rose’s body, limp, laying on the ground.

“She’s coming back,” Terezi said, her voice low and raspy, a guttural growling noise rumbling from her chest. “But if you let me kill her,” she gestured towards Vriska with the point of her blade, both a sign to follow and a dramatic j’accuse, “she won’t. And believe me, this wasn’t an act of heroism.”

Vriska’s eyes went wide, and for a moment, she stopped struggling against Kanaya. Terezi rubbed at her nose, completely blinded. Kanaya dropped Vriska, standing between the two of them, arms apart as she glanced back and forth between them. Terezi gripped her cane tightly. Kanaya could feel Vriska’s powers tugging at the corners of her mind, as though she were trying to discern some foothold to grip dominance. The air somehow felt thicker, Kanaya’s skin glowing in a threatening display. The silence was excruciating.

Then, there was a crackle. A flash of light. All three turned, as Rose’s body lifted off of the ground. She gasped for breath, the tension deflating.

“Someone,” Rose wheezed. “Kindly inform me what the hell just happened.”

* * *

CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT]  RIGHT NOW opened memo on board An Entirely Sincere Group Therapy Session.

CTT: First of all, I would like to thank you for agreeing to the necessity of this board.  
CTT: The vote will inevitably be unanimous, though at present it remains at a solid two-to-two, with solid endorsement from abstaining parties.  
CTT: Aforementioned parties are disallowed from viewing this board under any circumstances.  
CTT: I will know.  
CTT: Dave.  
CTT: Karkat.  
PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] THREE WEEKS AGO responded to memo.  
PGA: I Believe That The Title Could Perhaps Use Some Work  
PGA: It Seems To Betray The Level Of Sincerity Stated  
PGA: It Also Seems To Suggest That There Is Some  
PGA: Traumatic Event In The Near Future I Should Be Concerned About  
CTTbanned PGA from responding to memo.  
CTT: For the sake of causality, I am going to have to forewarn you away from participating in this at all.  
CTT: You'll know when it's time for you to join us.  
PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] TWO WEEKS AND SIX DAYS AGO responded to memo.  
CTT banned PGA from responding to memo.  
CTT: Nice try, but no.  
PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] TWO WEEKS AGO responded to memo.  
CTT banned PGA from responding to memo.  
FUTURE gallowsCallibrator [FGC] TWO YEARS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
TT: Oh, for the love of god.  
FGC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO L3T YOU KNOW  
FGC: TH4T YOUR 1N3PT BL4TH3R1NG 1N TH3 V4GU3 D1R3CT1ON OF TH1S M1S3R4BL3 F41LUR3 OF 4 M3MO  
FGC: 1S 4S D3L1C1OUS TO M3 NOW 4S 1T W4S ON3 FULL SW33P 4GO  
CTT banned FGC from responding to memo.  
CTT: Your input has been noted.  
CTT: Very helpful.  
CTT: It's almost as though I wasn't recently murdered.  
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] THREE DAYS AGO responded to memo.  
PAG: FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!  
CTT: Oh, good, we have a willing participant.  
PAG: I should just take those stupid ugly goddamned ro8es off of your fla88y uncoordinated human 8ody.  
PAG: Infinite recursions????????  
PAG: And again.  
PAG: And again and again and again and again and again and again and again!  
CTT: I think we get the picture.  
CTT: Or more accurately, I get the picture, and what may well be the lone survivor of this disaster is furtively licking her screen in unmitigated glee several years down the road.  
PAG: It wasn't on purpose alright!  
PAG: And I know that you're just dredging up this "group therapy" ashpile jerkoff 8ecause you want everyone to pile in and feel sorry for you.  
FUTURE gallowsCallibrator [FGC] TWO DAYS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGC: 1 WOULD F1RST L1K3 TO FORM4LLY 4POLOG1Z3 FOR WH4T 1M 3V3NTU4LLY GO1NG TO TH1NK 1S 4 GOOD 1D34 4 SW33P FROM NOW  
FGC: 4ND 1 WOULD S3CONDLY L1K3 TO TO PL4C3 FORW4RD MY CONTR1BUT1ON TH4T 1 ST1LL TH1NK TH4T TH1S 1S 1D1OT1C  
FGC: JUST NOT 1N 4 FUNNY W4Y >:[  
PAG: Finally you're actually right a8out something!  
PAG: And I am EXTREMELY SORRY that I still give a shit a8out what you think of me that I actually wanted to HELP! >::::(  
CTT: I'd be more amused by the fact that two attractive women were fighting over me if that fact didn't involve homicide.  
PAG: It would 8e gr8 if you could just uninvolve yourself from this right now Lalonde.  
PAG: This doesn't concern you.  
PAG: You're 8asically just poison to this whole situ8tion, in fact.  
PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] FOUR HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PGA: Rose  
PGA: You Didnt Tell Me That You Were Starting This Early  
PGA: I Dont Think Were Prepared For This  
CTT: Kanaya, no offense here, but you were given a three week warning.  
FGC: 4ND G3TT1NG BOGG3D DOWN 1N TH3 M3CH4N1CS OF CH4TROOM 1N3V1T4B1L1TY 1S ONLY GO1NG TO CONFUS3 M4TT3RS 3V3N MOR3  
FGC: TH1S 1S 3NOUGH OF 4 H34D4CH3 4LR34DY  
FGC: 4ND B3S1D3S TH4T  
FGC: TH1S 1NVOLV3S 4LL OF US  
FGC: L1K3 1T OR NOT  
PAG: No, it doesn't.  
PAG: It only involves one of us.  
PAG: I mean I'm not fucking stupid!  
PAG: First it's Kanaya.  
PAG: Getting dopey eyed watching her on Trollian like some sort of creep.  
PAG: And now it's you.  
PAG: You said it yourself. I 8n't coming 8ack if you gut me open. That was your plan to start with wasn't it?  
FGC: Y3S  
FGC: 4ND 1 DONT KNOW 1F YOU R34L1Z3D TH1S  
FGC: BUT 1 W4S COMPL3T3LY  
FGC: 4ND TOT4LLY  
FGC: WRONG  
CTT: We should probably take several steps back.  
PAG: Oh my G8D you are so ANNOYING!!!!!!!!  
PAG: Trying to take control of everything!  
PAG: 8ossy 8ossy 8ossy.  
CTT: Just this.  
CTT: A memo which, I remind you,  
CTT: I was the one who started.  
FGC: SH3S R1GHT ROS3  
FGC: H3R 1MPL1C1T PO1NT 1S  
FGC: W3 4R3 NOT 4 GROUP KNOWN FOR FOLLOW1NG TH3 3ST4BL1SH3D RUL3S WH3N 3NG4G1NG 1N 4NY K1ND OF D1SCOURS3  
FGC: OR B4S1C4LLY 4NYTH1NG 4T 4LL  
FGC: >:|  
PGA: I Will Not Disagree With You On That  
PGA: But  
PGA: Some Semblance Of Structure Must Be Imposed  
PGA: If Were Going To Make Even The Slightest Degree Of Progress With This  
PGA: You Know  
PGA: Whether It Was Coincidence Or Providence Or  
PGA: What May Even Be Serendipity  
FGC: Y34H R1GHT  
PGA: Ahem  
PGA: We All Had  
PGA: Something To Say To One Another  
PGA: Shortly Following  
PGA: The Incident  
PGA: It May Be Best If We All Agreed To  
PGA: Demystify Our Intentions  
PGA: In As Orderly A Manner As Possible  
PAG: You know what?  
PAG: Fine.  
PAG: I've 8een wanting an explan8tion since forever now.  
FGC: 1 4GR33 W1TH WH4T 1S 4CTU4LLY 4 F41RLY R34SON4BL3 1D34  
FGC: ROS3?  
CTT: Unanimous agreement.  
CTT: I suppose I'll start us off.  
FUTURE tentacleTherapist [FTT] ONE HOUR FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTT: Okay, so. I spend the next forty minutes or so away from my computer.  
FTT: When I looked back, I saw that I already started responding an hour and twenty minutes later, as not to disrupt the flow of the conversation.  
FTT: So I'm probably going to be stepping away for a bit.  
FTT: Except that I've already done that, so I can just get right to the point.  
FTT: I was approached for my instinctual capabilities.  
FTT: And whatever assistance I may offer in deciphering the strings of fate.  
PAG: It took you two hours just to say jack nothing?  
PAG: This is so fucking dum8.  
FTT: I would hate to step on anyone's toes here.  
FTT: Which is the exact thing that you're attempting to do, I should point out.  
FTT: Rather aggressively.  
PAG: So what?  
PAG: It's 8etter than this wishy washy 8luh 8luh threads of f8 crap you're doing!  
FGC: UGHH  
FGC: C4N YOU 4T L34ST  
FGC: TRY TO UND3RST4ND WH4T 1S B31NG S41D  
FGC: 1 C4M3 TO H3R  
FGC: NOT TH3 OTH3R W4Y 4ROUND  
PAG: Oh, so you're saying I was R8GHT. Much 8etter! Thanks for clearing that up, wow.  
PAG: Next time you can just tell me to go jump off into the infinite swirling NOTHINGNESS of paradox space instead of creating some f8key f8ke memo to dance around the issue with.  
FGC: 1 4M OFF1C14LLY D3CL4R1NG 1T MY TURN  
FGC: 1MM3D14T3LY  
FGC: SO TH4T 1 M4Y US3 TH1S OPPORTUN1TY TO T3LL VR1SK4 TH4T M4YB3  
FGC: JUST M4YB3  
FGC: TH1S 1S NOT 4BOUT H3R!!!!  
FTT: Terezi.  
FGC: >:[  
FTT: This is not the time for distressed emoticons.  
FTT: We have to be honest here.  
FTT: It kind of is.  
PGA: I Am Forced To Agree With Rose  
PAG: Oh god, THERE'S a surprise.  
PGA: Vriska  
PGA: Shut Up  
FGC: 4CTU4LLY  
FGC: YOU C4N GO 4H34D 4ND SPR34D TH4T ST4T3M3NT TO 4LL OF TH3 R3ST OF YOU  
FGC: YOU C4N 4LL SHUT UP  
FGC: B3C4US3 1 DO NOT TH1NK 4NY ON3 OF YOU 1S W1LL1NG TO 4CTU4LLY G3T TH3 P1CTUR3 H3R3  
FGC: 1 M4D3 MY CHO1C3  
FGC: 1 COMM1TT3D TO MY 4CT1ON  
FGC: 1 W4S GO1NG TO K1LL H3R  
FGC: TH3 CHO1C3 W4S M1N3 4ND M1N3 4LON3  
FGC: BUT SOM3ON3 CH4NG3D TH3 RUL3S  
FGC: B3C4US3 SOM3HOW TH3 SC3N4R1O W4S MY F4ULT  
FGC: 4ND MY UT1L1TY 1S 4PP4R3NTLY TO JUST  
FGC: ST4ND TH3R3 L1K3 4 G4WK1NG FUCK1NG 1D1OT!  
FGC: 4ND DOOM TH3 T1M3L1N3  
FGC: 4ND 3V3RYON3  
FGC: 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG  
FGC: TO 4 SLOW 4ND P41NFUL 4ND STUP1DLY PO1NTL3SS D34TH  
FGC: B3C4US3 1 FOR SOM3 1D1OT1C R34SON THOUGHT MY POW3RS COULD 4CTU4LLY M4K3 4 D1FF3R3NC3 1N M4K1NG TH3 R1GHT CHO1C3  
FGC: 1 K1LL3D MY S1ST3R BUT TH3N 1 S1MPLY D1D NOT  
FGC: 4ND SOM3 V3RS1ON OF M3 WHO ONLY 3X1ST3D B3C4US3 OF HOW FUCK3D UP 1 M4K3  
FGC: 3V3RYTH1NG  
FGC: H4D TO F1X 1T  
FGC: SO Y3S  
FGC: TH3R3 YOU H4V3 1T  
FGC: TH3R3 1S MY P13C3, 4ND 4LL R3L3V4NT 3V1D3NC3 ON TH3 M4TT3R!  
FGC: YOU KNOW SUDD3NLY 1 UND3RST4ND WHY YOU H4V3 B33N SO 4NNOY1NG TH3S3 L4ST COUPL3 OF D4YS VR1SK4  
FGC: B3C4US3 YOU R34D TH1S M3SS  
FGC: W3LL GOOD LUCK B3C4US3 1 4M S1CK TO D34TH OF TH3 3NDL3SS R3P3T1T1ONS OF TH1S CR4P  
FGC: 4ND 1 4M DON3 W1TH TH1S F4RC3 4S W3LL!  
FGC ceased responding to memo.  
PAG: H8Y!!!!!!!! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?  
PAG: Get 8ack here!  
PAG ceased responding to memo.  
FTT: I probably should have anticipated something like this.  
FTT: I wonder if I should call that a breakthrough or...  
FTT: The inevitable splintering of our already stressed minds.  
PGA: I Would Like To Point Out That They Are At Least  
PGA: Talking  
PGA: Will Be Talking  
PGA: Were Talking  
PGA: It Is Getting Somewhat Difficult To Calculate The Repercussions  
PGA: At Some Point Our Timelines Are Going To Have To Converge  
PGA: Presuming That This Is The Last Memo We Run Together  
FTT: Maybe.  
FTT: We kind of skipped over you.  
FTT: They left before you could say your piece.  
PGA: Would It Seem Disingenuous If I Said That I Was  
PGA: Grateful For That  
FTT: Unfortunately it doesn't.  
FTT: Kanaya, what were the two of you doing down there?  
PGA: I Was Attempting To Ironically Settle Things Civilly  
PGA: In A Place It Would Be Unlikely To Overhear Our Conversation  
PGA: Or  
PGA: Prevent The Eventuality That  
PGA: Someone May See Me Leaving Her Room With Her Still Occupying It  
FTT: And get the wrong idea?  
PGA: Rose I Did Not  
FTT: No, but.  
FTT: It's been on your mind.  
PGA: We Were Involved Only In The Pale Quadrant And Some Ashen Andbr /> PGA: While I Admit That Perhaps For Some Time I Was Enamored With Her In The Red Quadrant  
PGA: That  
PGA: Does Not Appeal To Me  
PGA: In The Same Way  
FTT: Yet the appeal is not absent?  
PGA: No I Mean  
PGA: We Did Not  
PGA: There Was Very Little By Way Of Resolution  
PGA: And I Feel As Though This Might Be An Alienating Point Of Discussion  
PGA: Which Is My Cause For Wishing To Avoid It In The First Place  
PGA: Now May We Please  
PGA: Please  
PGA: Just End This  
FTT: For now, yes.  
FTT: Look. I don't mean to pry or anything. I just wanted to know.  
CTT banned PGA from responding to memo.

FTT: Anyway.  
FTT: Until our respective times do converge, I believe it would be best to let this document be, for the annals of history to bear witness to the banality of our pages of discussion.  
FTT: That is to say, don't bring it up for a few days.  
FTT: Assuming you're even reading this.  
FTT: If you're not, then let the pieces fall where they may.  
FTT: We may have already created a self sustaining time loop of instigation.  
FTT: And that’s as good a place to stop as any.  
FTT: Group therapy session adjourned.  
FTT ceased responding to memo.

It was easy enough to fall back into a certain routine, given enough time. Things were tense, for a time. Rose ultimately felt rather blasé about the whole affair; it didn’t hurt. There was hardly so much as a lump on her head or lingering ache. Perhaps coupled with the dream bubbles they occasionally grazed past, or explored in sleep, the consequences of death began to feel more distant and shallow. She wondered if she should feel afraid, or confused, or angry. The sensation was mostly numb. Perhaps she was growing complacent with the idea of her own pseudo-immortality, but most days, no one was eager to broach the topic.

Kanaya knew just as well as anyone else. She would watch Rose spend her time with Dave, talking about an inane variety of subjects, or watch her prod Karkat with her own brand of antagonistic sass. Sometimes it felt so foreign and alien, she couldn’t help but feel like it was its own language, that boundary of cross-species communications. And yet, she couldn’t help but find comfort in the routine. Each passing day put her a little further away from the nearly boiled-over conflict in the basement of the meteor. Every petty, casual conversation she shared with Vriska in the meantime made their relationship a little bit easier to handle, smaller in scope than the wide array of unresolved feelings she never managed to find closure for. Even in the days following the memo, when Terezi and Vriska seemed utterly locked in a circular ring of pettiness and squabbles.

Still, the weeks dragged on to months. Karkat would practice his cooking with the meteor’s limited reserves of replicable food, and Dave would occasionally announce some of his remixes and slam poetry as being his “gift to all forms of auditory sense,” and Rose would sit in her room while she sewed, quietly reading one of her somewhat shameful and woefully inaccurate romance novels.

The first year passed with only one death, and they were all quietly thankful that it didn’t escalate further than that.

* * *

AG: It's too 8ad you're not going to get to read this for a while, if ever. We could 8e 8onding over the gr8 pranks we just pulled on each other!  
AG: Oh well.  
AG: Guess I'll take off. 8efore I drop dead like some kind of loser and you never get to hear from me again.  
AG: See you around, sis.  
GC: WOW  
GC: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 1 3V3R FORGOT  
GC: WH4T 4 COMPL3T3LY CR4ZY B1TCH YOU 4R3

Terezi was nearly trembling, staring at the screen for an answer that didn’t seem to be coming. Perhaps that was where the dream chose to end, or perhaps she had merely broken the façade. She hadn’t grown much since the game started, but her younger self felt so foreign, it was as though she were controlling a different person entirely. Her nose was snotty from the tears, and she could barely catch a whiff of her hand an inch from her face, much less taste its unique scent, or the blood flowing under her skin. She wiped at her eyes, trying to blink through the tears pouring from her sun damaged eyes.

It was just enough that she could smell a message on her screen. Not the tart blueberry she knew to expect, but a minty green like the smell of boiling tea.

GA: I  
GA: Faintly Recall Being Privy To These Events  
GA: By Proxy If Nothing Else

Her nose wrinkled, and she couldn’t help but feel faintly threatened by the words and their intrusive presence. Much less to think that it hadn’t been as private as she always thought, all this time.

GC: OH R34LLY  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 WOULD H4V3 R3M3MB3R3D  
GC: 1F 4 G14NT S3NT13NT 1NCUB4TOR L4ND3D OUTS1D3 OF MY H1V3  
GC: BUT TH3N 4G41N 1 4M H3LPL3SS 4ND BL1ND  
GC: 1 D1D NOT TH1NK YOU W3R3 ON3 TO G4WK  
GC: OR 4T L34ST  
GC: TO 4DM1T 4S SUCH 1N 4 M4NN3R TH4TS 4CTU4LLY H4LFW4Y UPFRONT  
GC: NOW DO YOU M1ND  
GC: K1NDLY  
GC: FUCK1NG TH3 H3LL OFF

Kanaya blinked a few times, a few hesitant steps taken from a computer that wasn’t hers. One of her fangs worried at her lip, a terrible habit that often smudged her lipstick, or left flecks of black on her teeth.

Terezi flinched as she seemed to be approaching, the memory shifting. Her expression hardened, “It’s a pretty bold move, to go for pretty much the opposite of what I suggested.”

“It is not particularly,” Kanaya paused, “satisfying to hear this, but I am not here to stalk your memories. I am just asleep.”

Terezi rubbed at her eyes, even though there was no water there anymore. She’d have preferred having her shades for something like this. Something that felt more like a confrontation she should be having with Vriska, the cold sensation sticking to the surface of her skin like a wet cloth. “Oh,” she said, her tone conveying every bit of disappointment that Kanaya projected. “So did you bring me here? Or was it the other way around?”

“I suppose one would have to ask our brains, if they were feeling cooperative.” Her tone was dry, a bit raspy.

“You would have to ask the seer of mind to take on a way more literal role,” Terezi snorted, climbing out of one of her hive’s windows. At six and a half sweeps, she’d grown a few inches, with a stringy, limber frame, ideal for crawling in and out of tight spaces. “And then you can go and bet on the opposite if you want some real insight.”

“It is entirely possible that this memory was recalled from an unwarranted bout of self-loathing.”

Terezi wrinkled her nose at Kanaya, hopping out onto the branches. They seemed to wind and twist out into the night sky, the two moons high. Kanaya ran a few steps to keep up with her, lips pursed tightly. “Or! It was called from an instinctual desire to meddle in something you have nothing to do with.”

Kanaya hesitated in following, though she felt a flicker of irritation. “On the subject of unwarranted meddling,” she said, her voice colder than its usual tone, “one might detect hypocrisy in this sudden of brooding solitude.”

“You should probably make up your mind. This is either a really shitty pep talk or it’s a really sentimental take down. You can’t have it both ways.”

“Both ways seem to intersect with the realm of truth.” Images flashed through Kanaya’s mind. Seeing Vriska’s tone with Terezi, the way she talked to her on that same day. The changes in her tone were subtle, the image of her injuries in her mind, utterly nightmarish. “You don’t remember what this memory was like for those of us watching from the outside.”

“That is a fact,” Terezi said, her tone dull and unamused, waving her hand in front of her face for emphasis. “I literally don’t.”

It would have been funny to Kanaya under different circumstances, if nothing else.

“She’s only going to make more trouble for us. And if someone is going to take care of her when it gets to be too much...”

“That,” Kanaya stepped forward, terse, “is neither necessary, nor beneficial.”

Terezi seemed defensive, lips pursed. “The alpha timeline pretty much agrees with you, since that was the same call I was going to make. I only saw two choices there, but I guess it turns out the thing that really fucked it over was me being there at all.”

“And why, of all things, do you seem to cling to the notion that this is your sole responsibility?”

“Ah!” Terezi jabbed a finger forward. “She asks that as though she shouldn’t know why!” She let out a sharp cackle. “Miss ‘not that red.’ Miss ‘obviously and clearly conciliatory.’” She snorted, her fangs on display as she grinned at Kanaya. “Does Rose realize that she’s coming up second place? Or are you going to do the same thing with her and dance around the issue endlessly? Or maybe, just maybe, one of them will actually kill the other for real, and you can comfort who’s left without having to make the call of who you’d rather fuck.”

Kanaya’s skin prickled, the hairs on her neck standing. Her breath quickened for a few moments. She felt guilt, but something else, something more. Enough for her to stand her ground. “You are right. I thought I could simply remove her from my thoughts, as one might a tumor. But that is wrong. It cannot be done, and it should not be done. That is the exact line of thinking you are pursuing now. And the exact same one that inspired you to confront her last sweep.”

“So what? Do you want her back? Because it feels a lot more like you’re going to just keep stringing her along.”

“I would like to know on whose behalf you are angry. Hers, Rose’s, or your own.”

Terezi huffed, leaning her foot on one of the tree branches. There was a “snap!” as it tumbled down to the earth below, taking a seat on one of the branch’s many bends. “That’s a really stupid question.”

Kanaya’s brow rose . “I suppose that is true only of questions you personally do not wish to answer.”

“Actually, it is true of your face. Being awful. And the worst thing I’ve ever seen, basically.”

“Even though you have not.” Kanaya casually waved her hand in front of Terezi’s face as she lowered herself to sit beside her.

Terezi punched her on the arm. “Fuck off and die,” she growled, nearly amused.

* * *

“You,” she said, with an air of authority that made Vriska want to give her a good clean punch to the snout, “are remarkably tense.”

Vriska had never really been approached by Rose before. Over the course of the journey, the two had good reason to avoid each other, after what had happened with their disastrous encounter in the basement of the meteor. And their respective acquaintances all tended to agree that it was honestly the best possible thing for their continued survival that as few similar conflicts spring up as possible.

That, of course, didn’t do much to help Vriska’s feelings on Rose. Nor did it do much more than gloss over the threat each perceived in the other. Vriska was immediately defensive whenever the subject was brought up, and Rose, evasive. No one suspected it would end well, whatever would wind up happening.

Vriska was lying on a somewhat haphazard heap of scalemates, glasses skewed lazily on her face. She paused to fix them, her expression somewhat disbelieving-- but she could understand, at least, that Rose probably picked this moment with good reason, when she was feeling just lethargic enough that she’d hesitate before leaving the room or snapping at her.

Vriska rolled her eyes-- all eight of them, just to be as dramatic as she could muster-- sitting up just enough that she could fold her arms across her chest in a decidedly unamused fashion.

“I couldn’t even be bothered to come up with a less stupid time for you to say that to me. Being both incredibly wrong AND a huge pain in the ass at the same time, though, wow! You usually either stick to one or the other.” She sneered, ready to deflect her. Whatever Rose was up to, Vriska would do everything in her power to make certain it was clear she wanted nothing to do with it.

Rose produced what appeared to be a large bottle full of a clear liquid.

“Stop doing whatever you’re about to do. I’m serious. I don’t give a shit!”

“This,” Rose explained, ignoring her as she stepped into the room, approaching Vriska’s seat, “is a bottle of highly potent human elixir. Dave wanted nothing to do with it, and most of my usual companions are out gallivanting through the ephemeral dreamscape. You are the last remaining candidate, but I should think that it would still be right up your alley.”

“The part where you bore me to sleep by talking about dumb bullshit is definitely appealing.”

Rose uncorked the bottle with a loud, satisfying “pop.” “Think of it as a competition of endurance. You’ve made no secret about your disdain for my physical weakness. And I, quite bluntly, think that you are full of shit.” She smiled at her, a faint, wholly insincere expression. “We can test the waters together. Think of it... as an experiment, mixed with a battle of wits and a duel to the potential death.”

“Is that what you’ve been spending all this time alchemizing? Something that’ll kill us if we bother with it? That is probably the woooooooorst plan I’ve ever heard of. Why are you supposed to be our ‘main strategist’ again?”

“Testing the body against a kind of poison,” she reasoned. “While also forcing ourselves to relax via chemical intoxication. Like I said before, Vriska,” she drummed her fingers along the neck of the bottle, “you are far too tense.”

Vriska huffed as she hopped to her feet, yanking the open bottle of liquor from her hands. “Moonshine” or something, according to the other human. The one Terezi got attached to during the game. She sniffed at its contents. “Bluh! What the fuck! You actually drink this?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact. Some humans are known to drink it every meal of every day, and proceed to operate heavy machinery with a young infant slotted into a chamber beside them.”

Vriska had no idea what the latter meant, but she was definitely not about to let Rose get the better of her with this exchange. “Fine. Are there rules to how this works, or what?”

“We match each other, drink for drink.” Rose hummed, winding her way over to the table and producing two equally-sized glasses, an affected unsteady gait that was almost a mirrored imitation of how her mother would move most hours. “The bottle, if you will.”

Vriska handed it over to her reluctantly, watching her pour a seemingly arbitrary amount for each of them.

“The requisite ritual of sportsmanship shall begin.” Rose raised her glass. “Though it has nothing to do with that at all, may you have the best of luck regardless.”

“I don’t need your luck. And I have no idea what the fuck this is about, Lalonde, but I’m going to shove your face into the dirt anyways.”

“Quite.” She threw back her drink, and Vriska threw back hers.

Both were quickly reduced to a fit of coughing and gagging.

“Oh my god, this is fucking foul!”

“It-- gets easier,” Rose assured, forcing herself to swallow as her face grew redder. “Come on. We are doing this again.”

“Fine!” Vriska shouted, a bit too loudly. She only faintly recalled what it was that she had to prove, but she would be damned if she wouldn’t prove it anyway. The second drink did not go down well, either. It was even harder to swallow, and the both of them found themselves nearly spitting up their drinks.

Rose dry heaved to herself, one hand on her stomach. Vriska growled and clutched her throat as though it were being scorched from the inside.

“This,” Vriska wheezed, “kind of proves how stupid your fucking species is.”

“There may be something worthwhile at the bottom of the bottle,” Rose retorted. “If nothing else, perhaps, a confirmation that you’re...” She trailed off for a second. “...fucking.” She concluded, apropos of nothing.

Vriska snorted, but didn’t find any words in reply. Rose poured them both another drink. True to her words, it finally did get easier to swallow. Neither could remember all that clearly what happened after the fourth round. Or the one that followed that one, either.

It was probably by no coincidence that by the eighth drink, Vriska could distinctly recall the feel and taste of Rose’s lips against hers, the world spinning as they collapsed against the carpeting.

“I fucking hate you,” Vriska muttered, her head throbbing. She covered her seven eyes with one hand-- everything was so glaringly bright-- trying to drag herself to her feet.

“Did we really--” Rose began, half trying to hold her back, half trying to lean on her for support to stand.

“No, fuck you. We’re not talking about--” she hiccuped, “this.” She managed to lurch to her feet, staggering a few steps.

Rose barely followed behind her. “Fine, then. May I also suggest that we elect to never speak of this matter again? To anyone?”

“I am going to do you one fucking better, Lalonde,” Vriska muttered as she stumbled a few steps, managing to right herself before stomping over to the table Rose used for her alchemy. With one hand to her eye and one tightly gripping the edge of the table, she, with one single motion, flung it and all of its contents to the ground.

“Next time you challenge me,” she said, “we’re going to do it with something that isn’t a fucking nightmare. I need to go throw up.” The stench of alchemical components and alcohol were strong in the room, broken glass scattered everywhere.

“I... am not cleaning this up right now,” Rose muttered, closing the door behind her tightly. Perhaps they could just avoid using that particular room for the next two years.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] \--  
TT: I may or may not have done something terribly idiotic.  
GA: TH4T 1S N3WS TO PR3C1S3LY NO ON3  
GA: BUT 1M 4FR41D TO 1NFORM YOU  
GA: TH4T K4N4Y4 M4RY4M  
GA: 1S NOT 4V41L4BL3 R1GHT NOW  
GA: BUT F33L FR33 TO L34V3 4 M3SS4G3  
GA: >:]  
\-- grimAuxiliatrix[GA] is now OFFLINE --  
TT: Wait. What?

* * *

CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board An Entirely Sincere Group Therapy Session.

CTT: Let the record state that we are all here, and all of us currently occupying the same point on the temporal scale.  
CTT: We can, in fact, see each other from our respective points in the room,  
CTT: Even if we can all agree that we'd probably rather not be making eye contact right now.  
CGA: I Do Not Think This Is Anything Quite So  
CGA: Shameful  
CGA: In Honesty  
CAG: It totally is and you 8oth know it, for the record!  
CGC: DO1NG TH1S W4S 4 B4D 1D34 TH3 L4ST T1M3  
CGC: 4ND 1M PR3TTY SUR3 W3R3 1N FOR TH3 S4M3 SH1T TH1S T1M3  
CGC: SO HON3STLY  
CGC: 1N K33P1NG W1TH TH3 V4ST M4JOR1TY OF OUR PL4NS  
CAG: Ha!!!!!!!!  
CTT: I appreciate a bit of nihilism as well, but honestly.  
CTT: Let's try to keep it in our fucking pants for a second.  
CAG: Fuck you!!!!!!!!  
CGA: Oh Wow  
CGA: I Knew What To Expect From You Rose But This Is In Fact Fairly Blatant  
CTT: I'm going to feign ignorance for the moment, to distract you from the inevitable conclusion you seem to be drawing.  
CGC: 1T 1S R34LLY H4RD TO D1STR4CT FROM TH3 SM3LL OF YOUR L1PST1CK ON H3R N3CK  
CTT: Or from the fact that you've been getting close enough to smell it?  
CAG: Oh.  
CAG: My.  
CAG: GOD.  
CAG: I am literally RIGHT HERE!  
CTT: Yes, you are. And only one of us is blind.  
CGC: H3Y  
CGA: Blatant And  
CGA: Indiscriminate  
CTT: I am just trying to keep the flow of progress steady.  
CGA: I Am Suddenly Finding It Very Difficult To Process The Notion That Humans Do Not Have Quadrants  
CGA: Since You Are Making Such A Spirited Attempt To Already Fit Three Of Them  
CTT: I am doing no such thing.  
CGA: I Am Going To Leave  
CGA: A Small Trail Of Finish Crumbs  
CGA: I Am Hoping That Someone Else Will Come By To Pick Up On Their Path For Me  
CGA: Observe  
CGA: ........  
CGC: ...YOU K1ND OF 4R3  
CAG: I already h8 your guts. YOU'RE the one who's 8een trying to make things "official" or whatever.  
CTT: I think.  
CTT: I may have lost control of this situation a lot earlier than I anticipated.

Rose felt something hard jab her a few times in the side of her head. She swatted at Terezi’s cane with one hand, the other focused on her keyboard.

CTT: I was hoping for a modicum of respect and human - or the trollish equivalent thereof -  
CTT: Decency.  
CTT: My English is remedial, and I communicate primarily through insincere gestures and derision.  
CTT: It's not an attractive trait.  
CGC: 4CTU4LLY 1TS K1ND OF HOT  
CTT: Shut up.  
CTT: As I was saying, it's just.  
CTT: Something I am more than used to by now.  
CTT: I don't believe Kanaya's directionless fussing is considered any kind of come-on in a quadrant.  
CGA: I Have Been Involved In Numerous Conciliatory Relationships  
CAG: No fucking shit!!  
CGA: We Are Sort Of In One Right Now  
CGA: If One Quadrant Also Included Three Other People  
CGA: And Such Relationships Also Included Concupiscent Attraction  
CGA: Of Various Colors  
CGA: Probably Including Several Shades Of Red And Black Unseen  
CGA: Like  
CGA: Burgundy Probably  
CGC: 1T 1S PROB4BL3  
CGC: 1N F4CT  
CGC: 1NCR3D1BLY L1K3LY  
CGC: TH4T TH3 TH1NG W3 H4V3 B33N DO1NG 1S  
CGC: OV3RTH1NK1NG TH3 S1TU4T1ON  
CGC: 4 LOT  
CAG: This makes NO sense 8y pretty much any standards, troll or human.  
CTT: Considering the amount of baggage we mutually have, yes.  
CGC: 4LL 1 4M S4Y1NG  
CGC: 1S WHY RU1N 4 GOOD TH1NG  
CGC: 1T 1S FUNNY W4TCH1NG YOU B3 M1S3R4BL3 4T ON3 4NOTH3R >:]

She could feel a little bit of commotion, hear a cackling giggle and a bit of gentle swatting. One of Kanaya’s hands reached over, smoothing down a length of Rose’s hair.

CTT: But what are we doing, exactly? What is this?  
CGA: It Is  
CGA: Something  
CGA: Something That Will Very Likely Result In Further Large Scale Destruction  
CGA: And Probably At Least One More Death  
AG: At LEAST.  
CGC: L1K3 1 S41D  
CGC: YOUR3 OV3RTH1NK1NG 1T  
CGC: M4YB3 1TS JUST SOM3TH1NG TH4T N33DS TO H4PP3N  
CGC: OR M4YB3 W3R3 4LL FUCK1NG DOOM3D B3C4US3 OF 1T  
CGC: TH3R3 1S NO STOPP1NG US FROM 3NJOY1NG 1T 4LONG TH3 W4Y >:]

Rose sat up. The three others were occupying the same pile, arranged in a neat row with husktops across their laps. She looked to her left, at Vriska, who sneered at her with a wrinkled brow, Terezi, who seemed intent on antagonizing her. Then to her right, at Kanaya, watching over them all with a hawkish sense of worry.

Rose let out a sigh, though not an unhappy one, lips curving to a faint smile, and sinking her body back into the pile.

CTT: In that case,  
CTT: Meeting adjourned.  
CTT: This potentially literal clusterfuck is driving the train far off the rails. It is up to us to see what residential building it wildly crashes through on its way down.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this isn't precisely what was asked for, and it got a bit away from me as it stretched out a bit too close to the deadline. A few sections had to be cut short and cut out, unfortunately. But it was a lot of fun to write, and I hope you enjoy it! A SPECIAL THANKS to FishPrincess and Squidmaid, as well as Hana, Dojo, and everyone else who helped beta. THIS WOULD PROBABLY HAVE NOT BEEN A THING if not for the assistance!


End file.
